Connect Bridgeport
Ad
FacebookTwitterInstagramYouTubeRSS
  • Home
  • News
  • Sports
  • Community
    • Community News
    • Anniversaries
    • Announcements
    • Arts & Entertainment
    • Calendar
    • Churches
    • Clubs & Organizations
    • Directory
    • Farmer's Market
    • File Complaint
    • Greeting Cards
    • Library
    • Lost And Found
    • Obituaries
    • Parks & Recreation
    • Sponsorships
  • Trading Post
    • For Sale
    • Local Deals
    • Services
    • Yard Sales
  • Visitors
  • Relocation
  • Education
  • Jobs
  • Alumni
Ad

Movie Review with Jeff McCullough: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

By Jeff McCullough on April 24, 2015 from Movie Review

I walked into Paul Blart with the lowest expectations I’ve ever had for a feature film. Frankly, I expected a truly awful comedy, scraping the bottom of the barrel, a depraved grotesquery of cinema. It can be said though, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is not bottom of the barrel. It’s worse.  If it weren’t for a group of friends in the seats next to me, the knowledge I had paid $5.65 for a ticket, and an iron will, I still believe I would have walked out. Some nights, after my eyes are closed and I desperately reach out for sleep, I wish I had.
 
Starring Kevin “I don’t make good career choices” James, and no one else you’ve ever heard of, Mall Cop 2 follows the continuing adventures of Paul Blart, the overweight and unlikable officer of a small New Jersey mall featured in Mall Cop 1. Though a series of coincidences and meandering nonsense, he and his daughter in up at Vegas, attending the annual mall cop conference, where Blart is due to deliver the keynote address, all while a group of art thieves prowl the premise.
 
Too its credit, the film did have one scene that had me nearly die laughing. It involves Blart’s mother, a major character in the first film, and her unfortunate departure from our world. I don’t condone inflicting violence on senior citizens, but the sheer shock value of seeing grandma flattened by a milk truck (in a kids movie no less!) is gut bustlingly hilarious. But, like putting a packet of sugar in a jug of cyanide, a few good scenes are nowhere near enough to stop this film from being one of the worst wide releases I’ve ever seen.
 
The original Mall Cop wasn’t exactly Shakespeare, but overall it was a tolerable, if not forgettable, affair. Part of the reason behind this was the dumb lovability of Paul Blart, not the brightest flashing light on the squad car for sure, but one who clearly meant well and wanted what was best for his daughter.
 
Well this time around, Blart’s a completely detestable jerk. Between assaulting the elderly, borderline stalking his (now adult) daughter, and dialogue that consists mainly of whining and catchphrases, it’s a painful performance to watch. And not to discriminate against larger folk, but as big of a target that Paul’s rotund, mall cop body is, wouldn’t you think these pistol sporting, supposedly expert thieves and cut throats would be able to land a few shots?
 
Sadly for the audience, every villain is careening crook incompetent of holding up a McDonalds, much less pulling off a multi-million dollar art heist. I guess a terrible protagonist like Blart needed some terrible villains to square off against. And square off he does, primarily through the powers of morbid obesity. Sitting on, jumping on, and pancaking bad guys beneath his girth are all part of Paul’s arsenal.
 
Get used to plenty of fat jokes, because Mall Cop 2 has more weight gags than the state fair has deep-fried Twinkies.   This brand of humor quickly goes from tedious, to aggravating, to just flat out mean spirited. There’s nothing wrong with having a few chuckles about someone’s waistline, but like dinner rolls and ice-cream cake, their best served up with moderation.  For now I say we leave the overweight alone; they already have enough on their plate (sorry couldn’t resist).
               
There have been a lot of bad comedies over the years, but few in recent memory managed to fill me with such disgust and despair. Am I being a little mellow-dramatic about a dumb flick that’s just supposed to make a few kids laugh for two hours? Maybe, but if you had the misfortune of seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, and an IQ that manages to crack the double digits, you’d be getting the exact same feelings. A movie I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, if I had the money, I’d buy up every copy and have it burned.
               
Since I don’t have that kind of cash lying around, I’m doing my best to pretend it was never made, just a painful memory that will dull as time goes on. I strongly suggest you do the same.
 
0 out of 5

Share


Sign up/stay connected

Create your profile to start adding photos, posting comments, and more.

SIGN UP

Ad
Ad
Ad

Blogs [ view all ]

  • Photo

    From the Bench: Past Players, Community ...

    For perhaps the first time ever, former players and eventually members of the community will have a chance to own a pi...

    Posted by Jeff Toquinto

  • Photo

    Time Travel: Bridgeport High School Bask...

    This photo, courtesy of Frank Yerkey, is of him lining up a picture perfect jump shot from the baseline in 1962 again...

    Posted by Dick Duez

  • Photo

    It's Happening: Baylor Comes Home

    Many have been following the journey of 2-year-old Baylor Waggamon since early-2025 when he was awaiting a heart transplan...

    Posted by Julie Perine

  • Photo

    ToquiNotes: When a Thank You Simply is N...

    Sometimes, a thank you is not enough. Being able to look back with a little clearer mind in recent days, I do not beli...

    Posted by Jeff Toquinto

  • Photo

    The Grapevine: New Book Review Features ...

    Arrivederci is a cookbook that I compiled and made available to the public around 2000. The book was an immediate succ...

    Posted by Rosalyn Queen

Calendar [ view all ]

Fri
18

Bridgeport Cattle Battle

Sat
19

Mario Kart Tournament (Bridgeport Public Library)

Fri
25

Christmas in July at Bridgeport City Pool

 



Bridgeport, WV
Editorial Board Advertise Privacy Policy Contact Us
FacebookTwitterInstagramYouTubeRSS

©2014 Connect Bridgeport.